there'll be consequences

unpeople

"I believe that it's not a question of what you should do to become creative, but what you should undo. To  become an un-person you need to be:
unlocked, uncensored, unbound, unimpeded, unplugged, unbarred, unpredictable, unleashed, unrestricted, untamed, unrestrained, unobstructive, uninhibited, unprejudiced, unhindered, unusual, unchained and uncorked."
~ Dominic O'Brien

god's song

"It is like the sailors in Greek mythology. They were experienced and would never normally have gone near dangerous rocks. However, many were lured into dangerous waters by the Sirens. Even though the sailors knew the sirens meant evil, they could not resist their beauty and their seductive voices, so they met their deaths dashed on the rocks...Orpheus managed to avoid death from the Sirens by singing more beautifully than they did and drowning them out. Part of what is needed to overcome bondage is to seek God all the more strongly. If we sing God's song, then even the most beautiful song of the world will pale into insignificance."

From the book I'm reading.

mess, a metaphor for... mess

it's an ongoing issue that i think i need therapy for. proof is here, here  and here.

the fact i am an utter mess at the moment is reflected in the fact that, once again, i have yet more proof of the above variety.

i was just reading back over this blog and noticed the pink scarf which i just realised was around my neck half an hour ago. i honestly have no idea how i managed to take it off and have it draped across the room. i couldn't create this sort of mess if i was trying, i swear it's some sort of genetic deformity... it's just so natural to be messy!

i reckon it must be time to reprioritise when it's 23:40, i have a 9am and i'm blogging about the mess which i have to clear in order to have enough room to sleep tonight. ah it sucks to be a mess.

a wise friend of mine said this

http://radical-evangelical.blogspot.com/2009/07/click-flash.html

on a night like tonight you bring me to life

This is Lodge Lane; a long windy lane with a 15% incline which me and Jess whizzed down last night. I was cacking myself... it was pitch black, there were some angry looking cows chilling out along the way and I thought I was gonna go head over handlebars. Jess, on the other hand, was loving it. For the rest of the way back I peddled for my life along the pitch black Manchester Road while Jess casually stopped every so often to look at the stars. It was so beautiful though, you can see all the way down into the valley which Manchester road runs through and the city lights are even more beautiful the higher up you spectate from.

Other Side of Day~ Bebo Norman

Was it You who spoke the earth to be?

And wrapped it all in mystery

For the taking

For the taking

Is it Thee who turned away my soul?

From evidence so beautiful

That You gave me

That You gave me

When I’ve fallen in the shadows of the sun

Only You remain the hope on what’s to come

Cause on a night like tonight

You bring me to life

And remind me there’s another side of day

Where I will see all that You are

More than a sky full of stars

And the worries of this world will fall away

On the other side of day

Is it time that gets the best of us?

Reminding all the rest of us

That it’s fading

Yeah, it’s fading

Oh, but You still hold the hands of time

And pave the way to paradise

Can You take me?

Can You take me?

Cause the world is just a shadow of the sun

Only You remain the hope of what’s to come

Cause on a night like tonight

You bring me to life

And remind me there’s another side of day

Where I will see all that You are

More than a sky full of stars

And the worries of this world will fall away

On the other side of day

Where all who are alone

Finally make it home

To a world of wonder

Where love is not a lie

And all who seek will find

Their search is finally over

Cause on a night like tonight

You bring me to life

And remind me there’s another side of day

Where I will see all that You are

More than a sky full of stars

And the worries of this world will fall away

On the other side of day

there's a point concealed in here somewhere

"In my Father's house are many rooms... I am going there to prepare a place for you" ~ Jesus

Rollercoasters, chocolate, back to back viewing of Smallville, kissing in the rain, shopping at Liverpool One, nights in front of the fireplace, the Xfactor final etc etc... all very fun in their own right but none of these give me even a fraction of the kicks I get out of walks, cycles and drives with no destination. There's something about putting one foot in front of the other and simply following my nose which captures my imagination and sense of adventure and to walk aimlessly with no knowing what is around the corner is what, for me and my sheltered past experience of the world, is the epitome of adventure.
I love the thrill of walking through woods; discovering water, the eerie rustling of the trees and unwalked paths.
I love the fear of solitary nightwalks; invisible to the world, silent lanes and views of the city lights.
I love the excitement of getting lost; turning down roads with no knowing where they lead, walking in a straight line hoping to have walked a circle and looking for any sign that points to a familiar place.
I love how a mile turns to 10, how for every uphill hike there's a downhill trot and how nobody knows where I am or where I'm headed, including me.
I love my ipod playing in my ear, a piece of unwritten writing forming in my head and how by the end of the walk the solutions to all life's problems seem so much clearer.
I've seen so many intriguing things on walks such as these. Tonight alone I had the excitement of a fox, a fight and a road called Carsick Hill Road.

The thing is though, no matter how aimless I intend the journey to be, there is always an end destination- home. It never really is a journey with no destination.  Despite all the excitement, when my legs start to ache so much I can barely take another step, when I'm so desperate for some refreshment, and when it's all getting a little dark and scary, I just want to end up back at that safe place that's home.
And I realise how much those walks are like life- it's exciting, I experience so many unexpected things, I never know what's around the corner, at times I'm wandering aimlessly and a lot of it is spent off track but when it starts to get a bit tiring and frightening, I remember that I am always heading to the end destination- home.

growing

So just to totally and utterly steal Rachel's blog style, I wanted to share a few things in my life at the moment that are growing...

1) My faith

2) My sense of adventure

3) My friendships

4) My hair (!)

5) My social awareness

6) My journal collection

7) My self- esteem

"My life is not what I thought
I'm not where I planned to be
Though something's gone
There's nothing wrong with my changing world
Though something's gone
There's nothing wrong with my changing world

I need to let go of my destiny
I need to trust in things unseen
I believe in having faith
So I yield my control

I forgot how quickly things can change
Now my vision can not be the same

I'm embracing all of my fears
I am watching them turn to delight
The very fears which were gripping my mind
Are now the hands shaping and sculpting my dreams" ~ Kutless

we reach for more

Reaching- Carolyn Arends

There’s a time I can recall

Four years old and three feet tall

Trying to touch the stars and the cookie jar

And both were out of reach

And later on in my high school

It seemed to me a little cruel

How the right words to say always seemed to stay

Just out of reach

Well I should not have thought it strange

That growing causes growing pains

‘Cause the more we learn the more we know

We don’t know anything

But still it seems a tragic fate

Living with this quiet ache

The constant strain for what remains

Just out of reach

Chorus

We are reaching for the future

We are reaching for the past

And no matter what we have we reach for more

We are desperate to discover

What is just beyond our grasp

But maybe that’s what heaven is for

There are times I can’t forget

Dressed up in my Sunday best

Trying not to squirm and to maybe learn

A bit of what the preacher preached

And later lying in the dark

I felt a stirring in my heart

And though I longed to see what could not be seen

I still believed

I guess I shouldn’t think it odd

Until we see the face of God

The yearning deep within us tells us

There’s more to come

So when we taste of the divine

It leaves us hungry every time

For one more taste of what awaits

When heaven’s gates are reached

Repeat chorus

I believe that’s what heaven is for

There’s a time I can recall

Four years old and three feet tall

Trying to touch the stars and the cookie jar

And both were out of reach

the world's looking sunny

"There's A Change For A Better A Change For Good
I'm Changed For The Better I Am Changed For Good
The World's Looking Sunny
Cause That's What You Do To Me" (Natasha Bedingfield)

...and i thought...

Last night, overcome with stress and busy-ness and with the ceiling of my bad news threshold well and truly battered, I went in search of some peace and solitude away from the craziness of my house and the emptiness of my bedroom. I went to my favourite place for contemplation: Bole Hill. There I sat with my ipod playing in my ear, my legs tucked under my chest and my hood pulled up, I thought 'it's just you and me God' and I proceeded to contemplate as I looked out at the city lights and tried to forget that there was any place in the world other than there. What did I contemplate? I thought about those I love so much who have walked away from God. I thought about myself; my insecurities, my character, my faith. I began to wonder why I'm here in Sheffield, doing this degree (a danger it seems for anyone who dares to contemplate). I wondered what it is that always brings me back to the same old habits of coping and I contemplated the seeming elusivity of freedom. I thought about my fears and my friendships. I thought of those I know suffering at the moment, in their various ways. As I stared out at the city, I thought about all the people in the lit up houses and wondered what they were doing, what they believe in, what they'd fight for. I thought about this next term and how things seem to be heading. I thought about all the people I know, all the things I do, all the places I love. I thought about heaven. I thought I should like many moments like this in heaven, when I can sit in utter stillness, invisible to the world yet fully present in the sight of God. I thought all these things and I got confused. But most of all, I thought these thoughts are so much bigger than me, so much deeper than a mind of matter should let me delve and it made me grateful that there's One who is bigger than me and deeper, who can understand all these thoughts and feelings that I just can't.

a monologue of cliches

In life you learn. You learn the simple stuff like two wrongs don't make a right, the grass is never really greener on the other side and that the best person to do the job well is yourself. But then there's the deeper stuff too that you learn when you find yourself back in that same dark place. Like that life really does go on, things aren't as bad as they seem and there's always tomorrow. Learn to draw a line underneath the things you need to forget and leave them behind because if you let them infect your future then you will become enslaved to your past. And we know, your past does not define you. You learn about others, the world and yourself. Others- you may never get them to understand your point of view. Their philosophies are always going to clash with yours somewhere down the line. And all you can do is silently accept their hypocrisies.Be careful with your pedestals, always review who's sitting there and why. Aspire to be like them but don't lose sight of yourself in the process. As for the world, you learn it can be cruel and tough but what doesn't kill you makes you stronger for sure and sometimes the best thing to do is jump on the bandwagon and see where it takes you. Life is a rollercoaster so maybe it's time to start enjoying the ride. As for yourself, there's no end to what you can discover. You can take advice, you can obey orders and you can copy others but still you learn of your personal reaction in a given situation. It may take so long to learn, you wonder how many times you will fall only to find your feet again. But eventually, piece by piece, the picture is fitted together and you can use your self knowledge to be a better person. But it is a process, Rome wasn't built in a day. Slowly you begin to learn where you go when the going gets tough. But it'll all be ok in the end, if it's not yet ok then it's not yet the end. Learn from your mistakes but know that what's in the past can be left there. Live life to the full and accept any day could be your last. Enjoy the good things and try to minimise regrets. You're only young once and life's too short to dwell on troubles, these troubles are only momentary anyway. Look ahead at your future, the world's your oyster. Take a mile with every inch you're given and reap the rewards. Noone knows what the future holds but it's as good as you make it. Live with an openness to second chances, accept the failures of others so that they may come to accept yours. Value friendships and believe you are worth enough to be part of them. Make sure your life is revolving around something deeper than the superficial and something more reliable than yourself. when people let you down don't take it as a personal failure. Be in the know, ignorance is never bliss, it's just absence of fear. Know yourself, know others and know the world. If at first you don't succeed, keep trying. Your potential is boundless. There are no limits to what you can achieve. It's ok to be alone. It's ok to be together. No time spent doing what you want to do is wasted time so make sure you are doing what you want. Try new things- nothing ventured, nothing gained. If you fall flat on your face at least you'll be able to lay down for a rest. Never underestimate the power of friendships, love and hope. Keep the faith and live it out- be the change you want to see in the world. It's ok to smile when you're happy and cry when you're sad but be wary of crying when you're happy or smiling when you're sad. Emotions are fragile and easily confused. Protect the things you need to protect. Don't be scared to go cold turkey. Even when you don't remember a time you weren't trying to give it up, it doesn't mean that one day it won't finally leave. When there's rock bottom, 10 miles of crap and then you, remember that things can only get better, you're not the first and you won't be the last. Don't forget the people who have carried you this far. One day you may carry another the same way. Take comfort in the fact that nothing in all of heaven and earth is impossible. Possibilities are endless and bountiful.You may just be a drop in the ocean but that drop could be the source of life to a dying fish. Never underestimate your importance. All's well that ends well so work towards a ceremonious ending which will polish off all the troubles of the journey.

words of widsom from mother teresa

"People are often unreasonable, illogical, and self centred; forgive them anyway. If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish , ulterior motives; be kind anyway. If you are successful, you will win some false friends and some true enemies; succeed anyway. If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you; be honest and frank anyway. What you spend years building, someone could destroy overnight; build anyway. If you find happiness, they may be jealous; be happy anyway. The good you do today, people will often forget tomorrow, do good anyway. Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough; give the world the best you've got anyway. You see, in the final analysis, it is between you and God; it was never between you and them anyway."
~mother teresa

how flippin amazing are God's promises!!!

Made with mine and Jessica's own fair hands.

so what if you're not aesthetically perfect?

rebelling against my scottish roots... literally

So, two bottles of hair dye, £5 of conditioner and a third of my hair later and I am no longer ginger. Here are some totally poser shots to show the evidence of our labour.




And, because so many people have asked me recently, here is my natural colour, or at least what i think is my natural colour but the more i look back at old photos, the more convinced i am becoming that i've always been gingery and just never realised because i've never had un-dyed hair...

a banana on the wall

A few random items to share whilst I dissolve my teeth with 2 litres of diet coke.

1)


2) I have taken a couple of hours to type out my testimony:
http://lookingforlimerence.blogspot.com/2008/04/introducing-myself.html
please read, it is pretty long but hopefully worth the read.

3) I found this amazing personality test website. www.peoplemaps.com
Some of the highlights of my personal appraisal:

"You do have a romantic streak, fi , however it plays tug-of-war with your down to earth view of life. You make friends easily, however to become a personal or close friend of yours can take a very long time. This is because relationships are important to you so you like to take your time. You are very wary of sharing much of yourself with those who have not been tried and tested. You are a truly very private person. Your perfect partner would be someone considerate, with patience who talks about things that interest you. You're a born counsellor fi who spends many a happy hour hearing others' tales of woe- you also offer sound advice though. You are non-confrontational. You don't like being late and will apologise profusely. Fi is a good mediator. Being in a team that gives fi little opportunity to use facilitation skills would be a real waste of talents. Fi Sweeney has the great gift of being willing to respond to the needs of others."

4) I've forgotten number 3 so until i remember i will fill this space with the short and sweet anecdote that i walked past a banana sitting on the wall earlier. True story.

5) A song I wrote for Jade:

My Blessed Best Friend

there's something about the way you are

you're my beautiful superstar

in my darkest night for me you lit a light

and when i couldn't, you kept shining bright

you're my blessed best friend

and i'll love you til the end

when i thought i wouldn't make it through

God blessed me with you

when you need some sunshine to guide your way

let me help you and i'll hide the grey

i'll hold your hand like those days you held mine

with hope and faith restored together we'll shine

to count the smiles and the times we were happy

we'd be riding on infinity

grapes and chocolate, coffee and tea

talking all night, swimming in the sea

you and me

you and me

you and me

you and me

with a little help from my friends

Having lived in Sheffield now for a year, I have made a poor show in my peak visiting record. Yesterday was my first trip to the peaks, and on that note, my first trip to anywhere even similar to the peaks. With that context, I went along in my usual skirt and pumps only to discover this is not the best attire for trekking through mud and climbing rocks. And despite not being a fan of heights I climbed the above rocks thanks to Chris and Christine's encouragement and Christine's pushing. And I have officiallt done something this summer I have never done before in my life.

it's how all the cool kids spend saturday night

Me and Jess, ever the hopeless romantics, singing (and messing around with a few harmonising attempts) Taylor Swift's Love Story.

It's not perfect (well, not even close to be fair), but it's fun and it's bedtime.

enjoy at our expense :)

do you know him?

I read this in one of the left behind books as I was ploughing through the series and it really captured me:

"The bible says my king is a seven- way king . He’s the king of the Jews; that’s a racial king. He’s the king of Israel; that’s a national king. He’s the king of righteousness. He’s the king of the ages. He’s the king of heaven. He’s the king of glory. He’s the king of kings. Besides being a seven way king, He’s the Lord of lords. That’s my king. Well, I wonder, do you know him?
My king is a sovereign king. No means of measure can define His limitless love. No far-seeing telescope can bring into visibility the coastline of His shoreless supply. No barrier can hinder Him from pouring out His blessings. He’s enduringly strong. He’s entirely sincere. He’s eternally steadfast. He’s immortally graceful. He’s infinitely powerful. He’s impartially merciful. Do you know Him?
He’s the greatest phenomenon that has ever crossed the horizons of this world. He’s God’s son. He’s the sinner’s saviour. He’s the centrepiece of civilization. He stands in the solitude of Himself. He’s honest and He’s unique. He’s unparrallelled. He’s unprecedented. He’s the loftiest idea in literature. He’s the highest personality in philosophy. He is the supreme problem in higher criticism. He’s the fundamental doctrine of true theology. He’s the core, the necessity for spiritual religion. He’s the miracle of the ages. Yes, He is. He is the superlative of everything good you call Him. He’s the only one qualified to be our all- sufficiency. I wonder if you know Him today.
He supplies strength for the weak. He’s available for the tempted and tried. He sympathizes and He saves. He strengthens and sustains. He guards and He guides. He heals the sick. He cleanses the leper. He forgives the sinner. He discharges debtors. He delivers the captive. He defends the feeble. He blesses the young. He serves the unfortunate. He regards the aged. He rewards the diligent. And He beautifies the meek. I wonder if you know Him.
Well, this is my king. He’s the key to knowledge. He’s the wellspring of wisdom. He’s the doorway of deliverance. He’s the pathway of peace. He’s the roadway of righteousness. He’s the highway of holiness. He’s the gateway of glory. Do you know him?
Well, His office is manifold. His promise is sure. His life is matchless. His goodness is limitless. His mercy is everlasting. His love never changes. His word is enough. His grace is sufficient. His reign is righteous. His yoke is easy and His burden is light. I wish I could describe Him to you.
He’s indescribable. He’s incomprehensible. He’s invincible. He’s irresistable. Well, you can’t get Him out of your mind. You can’t get Him off of your hand. You can’t outlive Him and you can’t live without Him. The Pharisees couldn’t stand Him but they found they couldn’t stop Him. Pilate couldn’t find any fault in Him. Herod couldn’t kill Him. Death couldn’t handle Him and the ground couldn’t hold Him. That’s my king. I wonder, do you know Him?"