Sunday, April 20, 2008

"The 3 Frustrating Apparentlys"

Apparently I think things through too much.
Apparently I turn everything into a problem.
Apparently I pick and choose my personality.


I'm not trying to be bitchy. Or sarky. Or trying to make a point.

I'm just genuinely hurt by these comments and I want to defend myself.

1) Yes. I do think things through a lot. That is the way God designed me. It is the way my brain is wired. I don't like jumping into things without thinking about them. I actually take pride in the fact I am a profound thinker. Imagine if someone went up to Ghandi and told him he overthought about things and as a result he said "why yes, you're right. I should stop thinking". Not that I'm comparing myself to Ghandi *shifts eyes* No seriously I'm not but the big thinkers in this world are just as entitled to their thinking as the spontaneous, 'taking life as it is' people. I like thinking about things and I don't think it is possible to overthink something. Anyway, I shall stop before I put myself in danger of overthinking this 'apparently'.

2) My entire life I have lived in a house where problems aren't problems. For some people this is ok and they get through life just boxing up their feelings and turning everything into a non event. So yes, I do turn things into problems. Because that's how I cope with life. And I've spent most of my life not being able to do this and now I am happy to embrace my problems. Which doesnt mean I make up problems just for attention but I do treat obstacles as problems. That way, sometimes a 'problem' is made into a problem but on the other hand problems still get treated as problems. Just to recap, if I turn everything into a problem and sort them out as if they are real problems then at least that way the actual problems are sorted. Which I think is better then turning everything into a non problem and so never dealing with things that actually are problems Anyway, I shall stop before I turn this 'apparently' into a problem.

3) I'm 18. I don't know myself inside out. So forgive me, for sometimes contradicting myself and saying one thing when I seem to actually be another way. So I say I like lying in one day but the next day I say I like early mornings. Don't tell me I'm picking and choosing my personality... I'm not, I just don't really know whether I actually am a morning person. Stupid example I know but the point is I am not conciously picking and choosing a personality for myself and I am not being one person for one set of people and a different for another. I'm just learning. Anyway, I shall stop before I contradict myself and so am obviously picking and choosing my personality.

I'm just writing this to say that words can hurt, like really hurt.

Let's accept that we are different and stop criticising each other (I know I'm just as bad). Please?

So I'm not gonna stop thinking about things 100000 times over.
I'm not gonna stop confronting things that upset me, talking them through and dealing with them as if they are a problem regardless of if it is or not.
I'm not gonna (be able to) stop contradicting myself in my quest of self discovery.

And I dont think theres anything wrong with being someone who takes life as it is without thinking about it too hard, or being someone who doesnt see little issues as big problems or someone who has a strict personality they can always be trusted to adhere to. If that's who you are then great...

But it isnt who I am so please accept me for who I am.

The End

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Finally someone says it lol!
I think you are completely right :) and at first look at your blog I love it! carry on over thinking, turning everything into a problem and picking and choosing your personality. That's what makes you, you. :)