Saturday, September 20, 2008

Observations of the lone wanderer

Having attempted a shopping trip with my mum which turned out to be in part unproductive, I decided I'd go by myself to the dark realms of Slough and buy the rest of the things I need for university. By the end of the day I had half of what was on my list plus a dozen things not on my list which I certainly won't ever need.
At Brooke's recommendation, I venture to good old Wilkos to find a door wedge. In the nicest way possible, it seems to be that the one requirement to work in Wilkos is that you are an absolute neanderthal. (Ooh controversial!) I look for door wedges upstairs. Don't find them. I go downstairs, I ask: "where are the door wedges" followed by a five minute explanation of what a door wedge is. The shop assistant looks glaikid and woofed "DIY. Upstairs." So I went upstairs to find one. Again. 15 minutes looking later. I ask a less retarded shop assistant who informs me they are now down stairs with the back to college collection. So I head back down again. I then attempt to pay but was basically served by a monkey (double ooh). My suspicions that they are actually monkeys in disguise came when I looked over the cashiers shoulder to a note saying "remember to smile at the customer. Ask if they would like stamps or a bag for life. Be polite." This particular monkey was evidently illiterate as I didn't even get so much as an acknowledgement let alone a smile. My items were scanned at a rate of one item per century then a hand appears flapping under my nostril apparently for the money despite not being told how much I owed. A bit like how you're served in Greece.
I continue my lonely wanderings to where I encounter an accordion player. Accompanying his jolly tune is a little girl dancing along in an Irish jig/ Morris dance type fashion in front of him with a big toddler type grin. The man leans forward, takes one hand off the accordion and starts shooing the girl away. Actually saying "shoo" and flapping his hand in her face. Maybe it was a be there thing but it was the funniest be there things possibly ever.
Anyway now I have everything with me to take to uni including the kitchen sink (well, a plastic basin). I'm ready and roaring to go. With £0.

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