Friday, October 03, 2008

University.

Uni. Quite possibly the only place you can use a printer as a table, a coffee mug as a wine glass and a sock as a purse. Enough said.

How to know if you are in Tapton Halls of Residence

Now, the world has not yet been introduced to Tapton halls of residence. Pictures will appear as soon as I'm arsed to take any, but it is only 2nd week and I get the delights of Tapton for the next year. Rule number one of Tapton- don't diss it or you'll be dissed. I'm glad to have learnt this vicariously but obviously being the positive person that I am, there was no chance of it happening any other way. *cough*...

Now let me introduce you to some of the sights and smells of Taptonville.
First, as you enter the door you are welcomed by the amazing 60s decor. Honestly, it's like a time warp. On many a night out have I walked back in very confused by this, and only been reassured by the arrival of 21st century dressed individuals. To get to my room, you have to go down Fish Alley. For a while it was questioned whether there really was a resident fish. Turns out, it's just the same corridor as the laundry room and the fishy smell is actually 400 students' washing. As you come down the stairs to our floor, you will be greeted by Pantry Pong. This is the odour of the pantry (funnily enough). Often likened to damp, mould and smells along that vein although should you be walking past in the middle of a thurday night, you might discover the smell of crumpets. And thanks to the caramel that has been encrusted on the hob since 1982, if anyone has dared close the door behind them and actually use the pantry, then there's a strange burning smell as the 20 year old odour is released once again. Now, each corridor has its own distinct smell. I discovered this when I tried finding my room while on the phone. I walked up the stairs instead of down and walked into 3D! The smell instantly made me realise my mistake as instead of our dainty girly smell that reminds me of mouldy chocolate fondue, there was some stange smell that had boy written all over it. Luckily, none of the creatures were actually present at their scent in order to see the lone 1D wanderer that I was.

If you still don't know you're in Tapton despite the fish smell, the 60s decor and the burnt food waft then just sit and listen for 5 minutes. When you hear; someone playing their trumpet at top volume, someone yelling down the phone at top volume or someone's dodgy music (by dodgy, we're talking rnb/ metal) at top volume, someone mumbling drunkely in the middle of the night at top volume or someone being shouted at by the porter at top volume, then you will know for 100% sure that you are in Tapton.

Oh, and if you trekked up a nearly vertical hill to get there then you just can't be anywhere else.*

*except for the time I walked up an exceptionally steep hill thinking I was on my way back to Taptonville. Turns out, I was hiking up the infamous Conduit Hill, as listed in uncylopedia.com as one of Sheffield main attractions. And for the record, Conduit Hill most definitely does not lead back to Tapton, without taking you on a tour of Sheffield first.

1 comment:

Brooke said...

Best blog yet. I lol'd.
The guys above me seem to have formed a musical quartet. There's a guy on guitar, another guy persistently slamming drawers, one in the shower, and another attempting "vocals" (aka yelling "I'LL BE THERE IN A SEC, I'M HAVING A POO" - actual quote). What a melodious sound.

Did I mention their preferred rehearsal time is 2am?

xx