Don't you just hate it when life takes a dump on your head. Especially when what's absolute crap for you is actually great but you're selfish so it's not great. Because then you get that familiar feeling where you're torn because you know you should be pleased and you are but at the same time it sucks and when you think about it, you're actually just gutted.
Don't you just hate it when above situation happens on the back of too many other similar situations which have all descended on you in a short space of time, and you think you were so strong for allowing yourself to come to terms with it the first three times but this time you just can't be ok about it in the same way you forced yourself to be all the other times.
And then you just have no idea what to do/think/feel.