Tuesday, May 18, 2010

revision city

As the world knows, my attention span resembles that of a 12 month old baby. So obviously, being that time of year again with impending exams (1 week tomorrow as I type) , some drastic measure was required to protect me from every shiny thing that came along while i was supposed to be revising (namely, facebook, my guitar and housemate banter). So, the most logical thing seemed to be to simply leave my bedroom (which only had enough floor space left for my little toe) and my housemates (who are bloody hilarious but not so contributing towards my psychology revision) and take a train to anywhere, in this case, Liverpool. And not just liverpool, but the end of liverpool where everyone owns pitbull terriers and 300 children each and where all the bins are chained to the drainpipes to avoid bin robberies by the scally kids who want to go on a bin style adventure. Nevertheless, there are fewer distractions here and enough space to walk (well, there was until we arrived). So, it has been a weekend of cram-cram-cramming.
I've got to say, you know revision is going well when;
1. the living room becomes living room, bedroom and kitchen all in one, as you lie on bed eating biscuits and typing away
2. you have bought half of tesco's biscuit and chocolate supply
3. you get so bored you amuse yourself by buying ice cream cones and ice cream and pretending you're on holiday... in your living room
4. you drink 12 litres of diet coke in 3 days
5. you've got 3 hours worth of your own voice on your ipod, talking about health, social influence and life development.
6. you eat popcorn out of a saucepan while drinking wine... at 10am.
7. you go for regular 'walks around the block' and 'stretches of the legs'
8. whenever  you close your eyes, you see a mindmap
9. every 10 minutes you utter the mandatory words: "i'm gonna fail!"
10. you recite positive statements to yourself "i can succeed"
11. the excitement of a fire engine outside leads you to sit and watch the stationary vehicle for 15 minutes before realising it's not going to do anything
12. you get to 9pm and decide the day is over and it's time to watch tv
13. you eat so much crap you forget what savoury food tastes like until dinner time when you are starkly reminded by chips... for the 4th day running.
14. you end up having stupid banter about "who's sperm should i steal to have a baby" and "what would you do if i... "
15. you start losing the will to type, such as spelling 'toe' as 'tow'
16. you... dumdumduuuum... tidy
17. you phone home/friends/person in room with you/ any random number just to add some amusement
18. you try sleeping in random positions to try and bring some excitement into life
19. you play tetris/ doodle jump/ sudoku/ any sort of gadget game after every page read in the textbook, to spur you on to turn the page
20. you start writing everything in numbered lists

bring on the end of exams.

Wednesday, May 12, 2010

chocolate and coffee
cigarettes and wine
some things go together
like it's how it is designed

sunshine and bikinis
the padlock and the key
some things go together
as they should always be

like you and me, like you and me

cos we are two of a kind
and i like being so intertwined
we are like family
the world's our pod and we are the peas

paintbrushes and canvas
passion and desire
some things are the petrol
that will always cause the fire

gin and slimline tonic
the moonlight and the stars
some things are better
just the way they are

like you and me, you and me

Wednesday, May 05, 2010

two things

two things: righteousness and open- heartedness.

reading through the psalms recently, i was struck by the recurring theme of righteousness.

"Love and faithfulness meet together, righteousness and peace kiss each other. Faithfulness springs forth from the earth, and righteousness looks down from heaven. Righteousness goes before him and prepares the way for his steps" (Psalm 85)

"Let those who love the Lord hate evil, for he guards the lives of his faithful ones and delivers them from the hand of the wicked. Light is shed upon the righteous and joy on the upright heart. Rejoice in the Lord, you who are righteous and praise his holy name" (Psalm 97)

'righteousness goes before him and prepares the way for his steps' this made me think about how it's so easy to go about daily life while sitting and waiting for God to show up. especially the hard times, it's easy to question where God is when he seems so silent. but i love this idea of righteousness preparing the way for him. why should i expect God to show up if there is so much sin in my life? my life is not fit for the perfect king.
it also answers the question for me about the tension between grace and law. on the one hand, as a christian i should follow God's 'rules', on the other hand, where's the motivation if, ultimately, all my sin is covered in grace? well, my life will never be fully fit for the perfect king but with righteous intentions, it will be a heck of a lot better than a selfish life relying on grace to get by. and i want my life to be fit for the king, because i want him to step in. so there's grace for those times when i humanly fail to act righteously, but i still want to abide by righteous intentions so that my heart is in the right place for Jesus to step in.
'light is shed upon the righteous' i've spent so long, wondering where God is, blunting my hurts with rebellion. no wonder i've found myself in such dark places when i've been so unfaithful and so unrighteous. 

i feel a call on my life to be more righteous, to be more holy. to prepare my heart and my life for Jesus to step in. 

the second thing: open-heartedness.
God's been speaking to me about opening my heart to people. I've been pleasantly surprised lately how far a little honesty can go to contributing to healing. in the picture above is an open heart locket, which my friend gave to me as a symbol of my open heart. i was really touched by that gift and i feel secure in God's promise of freedom, which can only really come through honesty and openness.

Sunday, May 02, 2010

I don't know what I've done
Or if I like what I've begun...
But something told me to run
And honey you know me it's all or none

There were sounds in my head
Little voices whispering
That I should go and this should end
Oh and I found myself listening

'Cos I dont know who I am, who I am without you
All I know is that I should
And I don't know if I could stand another hand upon you
All I know is that I should
'Cos she they will love you more than I could
She Anyone who [ever] dares to stand where I stood

See I thought love was black and white
That it was wrong or it was right
But you ain't leaving without a fight
And I think I am just as torn inside

And I won't be far from where you are if ever you should call
You meant more to me than anyone I ever loved at all
But you taught me how to trust myself and so I say to you
This is what I we have to do

~ Missy Higgins